Hi, I wondered if other people here struggle to be open about their stammer? I try to hide it as much as possible at work and find it very difficult to talk about with my friends and family. It can be very draining and I end up exhausted. Does anyone have any advice or tips about how to cope with this?
Where am I?
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Hi Freddie,
I can talk for myself when I say that I felt the same as you!
This happened to me because I was in conflict with my intentions and actions, constantly striving to be fluent unsuccessfully. This obviously resulted in chronic frustration and struggle.
Conflict with intentions and actions
My main issue was that I denied accepting myself as people who stutter because I felt VERY ashamed of it. Being open about my stutter to others meant discussing something very painful, and I preferred to avoid it.
For example, with my first girlfriend, I never discussed (for 2 years) the fact that I was a person who stutters, and she never brought this up either, even though I could not say one sentence without stuttering!!
Fast forward 15 years, I realised that the opposite is true - when I advertise myself as a person who stutters, everything changed. I did not come up with this myself, and I needed help from others to do this transition. The issue was the following:
We have difficulties talking about stuttering with others because our two circles are not overlapping, but I know that isn't easy to achieve.
Striving to speak fluently
As shown in the circles, the more fluent I want to be (like other people), the more separated my circles are. I am a person who stutters, and there are big chances that this will never change. The good news is that now I do not suffer because of my stutter, and more fluency has happened as a by-product. I achieved this by stopping having the pressure of being 100% fluent, taking my time to speak and being open about my stuttering.
Idea in action
In my opinion, sitting on the sofa thinking about bringing the two circles together does not work.
How does one stop being afraid of big spiders? By grasping a little small spider in the palm hand and searching for larger spiders as we go along. Similarly, how does one stop being afraid/ashamed of his/her stutter? By speaking with our closest group of friends, showing them that we are people who stutter and being happy if stuttering happens.
Stuttering is not the problem. The problem is the suffering and struggle we feel (and display) because of stuttering. Try to smile while stuttering and things will get better 😀
What do you think? I am looking forward to hearing everyone's thoughts!